The Chonktionary
The Chonktionary
I. Core Entities & Proper Nouns
A digital instrument and app for inducing chonk. Chonke applies intentional zoom, other image transforms, and rhythmic emphasis to images, producing chonkness with the aim (but not the guarantee) of chonketude.
The hypothetical ideal chonk against which all others are judged. Never fully realized.
II. Fundamental Concepts
- The fundamental unit of chonkness.
- To compress reality into a funnier form. Side effects include uncontrollable laughter.
“Please, for the love of God, chonk this cat.”
The measurable or perceptible degree of chonk present in an object, image, or situation. Often correlated with size, zoom, compression, or roundness.
The qualia of chonk. A thing may possess chonketude even at low chonkness, and vice versa.
III. States, Conditions, & Transitions
An entity or digital image on the verge of chonkness. Potentially unstable.
The moment a project, joke, or app irreversibly commits to chonk as its destiny.
The process by which an ordinary object becomes a chonk through gradual exposure rather than sudden intervention. Often unnoticed until complete.
The tragic process of returning something to normal proportions. Not recommended.
IV. Practices, Actions, & Reasoning
To increase chonkness through zoom, distortion, or narrative framing.
The informal reasoning process used to decide whether something should be chonked.
“According to my chonkulations, this selfie could be Chonke gold.”
V. Agents & Social Roles
One who practices the chonk as a lifestyle, craft, or ideology. Frequently responsible for major chonkage.
VI. Affective & Descriptive Modifiers
Filled with chonk; operating in the spirit of benevolent excess.
“She gazed chonkfully upon the burrito.”
VII. Scales & Magnitudes
A small but powerful chonk. Dangerous in aggregate.
A chonk of mythic proportions. May alter nearby weather patterns.
VIII. Structures, Spaces, Systems, & Eras
The total conceptual space in which chonk-related phenomena occur. Includes apps, memes, cats, moods, and gravitational anomalies.
A megacity optimized for chonks: wide sidewalks, low expectations, abundant snacks, maximal lounging infrastructure.
A geological or cultural era defined by unprecedented chonk activity, starting in 2026 CE. Marked by digital abundance and a collapse of restraint.
The founding document that governs a chonk-based system. Defines rights, responsibilities, and acceptable levels of zoom.
IX. Colossal & Mythic Figures
A primordial megachonk archetype. Represents brute-force chonkness: verticality, dominance, inevitability.
A catastrophic or uncontrollable chonk event. A chonk that overwhelms its environment and causes collateral absurdity.